the year..

Throughout the year we've been together, lots of memory were captured and remembered. Not matter the good ones or the precious ones or the bad ones. Good and precious ones always a treasure to many people but they are often covered by the bad memory. I admit that I have not done my responsibility well as a boy friend of my baby. Lots of mistakes and stupidities have made the tears. Indeed, I'm not a prefect yet a good one.

I always wanted to find excuses to bring my baby for a walk for the night. I was such a fool who couldn't understand my baby at all. All she wanted is the time of me and her. That's all. However, my baby did not angry for my ignorance, she put her sadness into herself and did not show it to me. Tears were fallen and heart was broken from time to time. And my eyes were blinded like a fool who could not put myself in her shoes.

I was and am self-centred. All I thought was just my feeling and not others'. All I asked all the while why is she not caring about my feeling whereas I also didn't care about her at the same time. I always get frustrated why wasn't she replying my messages, stupid me, I didn't even have the right to do so at all.

My baby wants a short hair and boy's outfit, but sometimes I do not agree with her. Come to think, why should I care? Cannot cut short hair la, wear skirt or dress la and all those non-sense. Do they necessary to make her as my baby? No! Even she wanted to be a boy so much and I would just answer, "I don't mind being a gay=) " Even if she wore guy's outfit to the prom with me, I would say, "We are the best gay couple for the night."

Why am I felt so offended for what my baby like? She is just being herself all the while and just let it be. Of course bad habits should be corrected and guided, but being a so-called semi-tomboy won't be categorized in the unhealthy lifestyle right. Mind you it is just semi=)

I felt angry when I saw all the words in her blog. I thought it would be a very bad habit. And worse, whenever my friends talk about this "why your gf so good in that?" and it really add some gun powder into my flame of anger. Sorry guys, you guys did not say anything wrong, just that it affect me when I get started to judge people on how they judge my gf. And I like FINALLY accepted that when I think of different people have different ways of expressing. Just like guys, we all shout all the foul words without even thinking we are actually cursing people's mothers when anger engulfed us. And why can't girls or your girlfriends do that? Just because you think guys can swear like a macho and girls swear are like *itch? If you can control you verbal manners then fine, you got the right to voice out, but don't say anything if you can't do the things that you wanted others to do.

My baby has obviously changed alot better just because of my naggings. Even now all you can see are those tiny puny little erhem erhem foul words in her blog. She thought guys with spectacles are blind. Hmmm.

Talking nag, there are times I was way too over. If you are her so-called loyal blog reader, you might notice this (most recent one) and about the calculator 1. It was not the message I wanted to convey, but fine la. Hehe. Talk also useless already 'cause the words you said can never be taken back. The words stuck in her mind which made her unhappy all the while. There are things that I didn't notice will hurt her but I did it. I really meant to be good. Trust me.

Love is easy and hard at the same time 'cause everyone is not perfect. I have learnt to accept like what my baby did. I have learnt to be patience and be cool. Love is not a textbook but it teaches you to appreciate, to care, to sacrifice, to adapt and to love. I would say, I never regret to send out the message on that night.

I'm really sorry for everything that i have done. Love you.

Love,
baby pork pie




Ps: I'm not good in writing as always=)